Taking a walk down memory lane, a sense of accomplishment engulfs me about the beautiful 10 months that have flown by. The highlight of that year until then was the onset of the much anticipated monsoons after a prolonged dry spell. It was in such a season of long awaited arrivals, that we welcomed our own little blessing, our precious baby girl. Events didn’t follow my meticulously planned timetable as our little present had insisted on continuing to stay in my tummy, well past the due date. At long last, the D- Day arrived and all the signs made it clear that Kay–Kay was ready to see the outside world.
There are a lot many movies that descriptively take you through the notions of the labor room, so I’ll let them handle the details. Fast forward to when I heard her first cry. Even a shot of anesthesia could not subdue the excitement of wanting to see her face but she was rushed into another room for her routine checks.
My vision was still groggy from the anesthetics coursing through my nerves but my motherly instincts would just not let them get the better of me as I continued to strain my eyes, hoping to see her.
After what seemed like an eternity, Kevin rushed to me from the room where little Kay-Kay was. I had never seen him hold anything so carefully. He gently bent down toward me and whispered, “Our little blessing”. I couldn’t tell if he was teary eyed or whether it was the numbness in my own vision but I paid little attention to that as my heart was pounding within my chest to catch the first glimpse of my princess.
And what a moment it was! The care and diet, the pangs and morning sickness, the lifestyle changes and everything that took a toll on me in the past nine months faded away into oblivion and that priceless look of innocence made it all worthwhile!
I was a MAMA!
I held her in my arms and didn’t want to let her go. The nurses asked me if I could feed her and I did, after that they said that I needed rest. “I need to be with my baby. She needs me,” is what I argued. Their smiles resonated the vast experience in witnessing Mama-Baby bonding. “It’ll be fine, she needs you to be all rested up,” they insisted. I looked at Kevin and very threateningly said, “Do not let her out of your sight!”
He smiled, kissed me and reassured me that he would be there with her.
As I strayed towards sleepy meadows, I simply could not take in the moment, I was tired and drained of every ounce of my energy but I wanted more. Couldn’t get enough of Kay-Kay.
But alas, the drugs kicked in and I rested.
I could say it was love at first sight but thinking in retrospect, I was in love with my baby long before I beheld her tiny frame. After a long hard thought I finally pinpointed the moment when I fell in love with my little munchkin.
Throwback to my first sonography. My little nugget was just nine weeks old and I was an apprehensive expectant mother, absorbing any and every advice thrown at me from all direction. There were no shortage of them, by the way.
The doctor asked me to “keep calm”. The phrase was in vogue at the time but like my own situation, it was always used in impossible circumstances. Though I complied with the doctors request outwardly, my heart was racing and I was squinting my eyes to try and decipher the image on his monitor. After a few frustrating minutes, I still couldn’t tell what I was looking at when all of a sudden, the audio output of the sonography machine came alive with the most intriguing thuds. They sounded at a very fast tempo- 174 beats per minute to be precise.
As I was still trying to guess what it was, “That’s the heart beat,” the doctor stated in a very expressionless manner.
My emotions were exactly the opposite though, as I was elated to know and hear that the life inside me was well and good.
I excused myself to go to the restroom and the moment I shut the door I could not control the tears trickling down my cheeks. They were tears of PURE JOY! The most peculiar sound until then was now the most endearing. I knew absolutely nothing about her. All I knew was how her tiny heart sounded and in that surreal moment, I fell head over heels in love with Kay-Kay!
Not in the joy of childbirth, or the first sight or touch, simply IN A HEARTBEAT!
I let the feeling sink in as the song- I’m Gonna Love You, by Meghan Trainor, played in my mind…….